writing again

the problem with not writing in a while is that all these events pile up and then all of a sudden, i don't know what to write about. the details of each moment get lost and it just becomes an event - i remember the time, date, what we did, but not really anything about it... which is such a pity because i was there. and if i was there and i can't even describe it, then how on earth will i be able to relay it to somebody else?

i've had a lot going through my mind these past couple of weeks, but i've been able to blurt some of it out to a few unlucky people (although blurt isn't the word i'm really going for, it's more like a dam breaking and water overflowing in which i just go on and on...whereas blurt is just, a tiny leak? i'm talking about lots and lots) ... at various times. but yeah, it feels too simplistic just to summarize it. yeah. i guess i'll just have to gloss over it for now.

i think that's the other thing with not writing for a long time, you look back on it with older eyes, and everything just seems so childish back then. but to be able to see and understand remember something from that perspective, that's pretty special i think. it helps us to relate to other people. helps us to empathize. ... i feel like people don't do that enough, they're in such a rush to be more mature (guilty) and look back on that time that it actually backfires. oops, talking about two separate things now, whatevs.


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anyway, i'm writing down my little goals (for myself) because i can begin to feel the fire/passion start to fade... and i want to remember? to stay encouraged? to not get distracted or feel like i don't have the time?

i'm listening to the "overboard" song by ingrid michaelson. :) i was so happy when i first found it because that was how i felt people ought to be: to be strong by themselves, and then being cognizant enough to realize when to fall/bend. mmmm. it's my hopeful song. except i was watching a house ep the other day and house was telling me (ok fine, the patient, but i like to feel like he's speaking to me through them) that hope was for losers, and to actually go out and try... ok, something like that. it was the ep. with the soap opera star.

hrm, speaking of good quotes. last one. i was at a potluck yesterday and they have kids so i was flipping through their daughter's hannah montana chapter book. anyway, one of the pics had the dad giving the son advice about a girl. so the caption said, "it's not hard to say something to a girl, it's having the guts to stay something. just be yourself."

aw...it's pretty true, i think. the older you get the wiser you are as to "what to say" and "what to do." but i mean, actually having the ability to say what you really want to say, doing what you really want to do, pretty special as well. :)

it's a similar thought process to a sermon i heard by andy stanley as to change your heart. and how the way we interact with people, we know what we need to say to be accepted. but how every once in a while, when we're feeling tired and just can't hide it well, our true self comes out. and how people might say, "oh! that was so uncharacteristic of you" but well, in reality, it's just who you are but can hide.

.. hrm, although someone was pointing out that wasn't who you tried to be just every much as part of you. that was in another house ep. i think it was the one where the husband was a super nice guy and that was his symptom. i think it also had the scene where wilson rejects house for the monster truck tickets, and then kutner comes up with the metaphor (agreeing with wilson) saying it's harry potter all over. how the sorting hat wanted harry to be in slytherin but he wanted to be in gryffindor so he won.

yeah...

told you there were just a lot of random thoughts going in/out...and those weren't even any of the big issues.


ok time to study. fun? >.<.