the only thing we have to fear is fear itself

So I wrote some advice to a friend and I just like what I wrote, so here it is:

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So I guess I wonder why you guys aren't in a relationship. Hrm, besides him clearly unable to be definite. Idk, I just wonder if it's because you guys might be afraid to, hrm... "fail" or something. You know?

Like you're afraid that being in a relationship with all the added stress of school, studying abroad, etc. would cause an otherwise ideal relationship to fail, so you'd rather play it safer and just be friends. Unfortunately, that escalates to special friends (or/and whatever...) becaue you can't control what you feel. And we only have so much self control (heh, this is generally speaking now). So you take what you can get. Esp. when you're missing each other.

Yeah, that's exactly what it seems like to me. Like both of you don't want to put your lives on hold (perhaps you don't want the held-back resentment you sure are "bound to feel" if either of you stop each other from pursuing your dreams/young aspirations) so you don't (stop each other) to be safe. But in the end, even though it's left unsaid, the feeling is still there.

It's like a line from a recent episode of House (medical tv drama),

"Most people are stuck in a rut. There is no wrong way to do something. The only wrong thing is to do nothing."

That was of course, horribly paraphrased. But the message is still there. While it's still in your head (this mindset of yours), then you're getting nowhere. Actively.

Another thing. So this quote actually comes from the most recent episode of House (this past Monday, 15th oo la la so soon after Valentine's).

"There are few things in this world that are good. So when you actually find something, I think you should stick with it."

So I may have expressed this thought earlier (I'm sure I have) but I like the way they phrased it. Once again, horribly paraphrased on my part.

Anyway, I know you guys enjoy each others company. You know it already. And he very much knows it if he takes what little time/effort to message you.

I guess the only problem I see right now is him not spending... more of his time. So I think it's clear you are on his mind (based that he takes the time to message you neat websites, Skype, etc...) But that's not a lot of time to be spent on someone (okay, true, not that you should be that attached to someone while they're abroad, because then you actually want to be aborad while you're abroad.)

It's just, he has it so nice it seems?! He doesn't have to devote that much time to you (messages every now and then) and that sends your heart skyrocketing. It just doesn't seem very fair. Idk, maybe he wouldn't have to do that much more in a relationship with you (whatever your expectations are). But then again, you would naturaly want to spend more time so it's not like you would really quantify the time spent. It's just he has you where he wants you (and I know this isn't what he's thinking, but that's what seems like is happening, which to me, is nearly the same).

Okay, so I want to expand further on the "fail at dating." It seems (to me) that you guys kind of want to keep this relationship as a safety. Not in the way that you'd normally expect though. It just seems all too easy for you guys, 10 years later, to look back and reminiscene back to, "the boy that I loved when I was young that I never dated." It's easy when you never actually did it, but can only look back.

It's in that song, "Nothing better" by the Postal Service,

" I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history"

So I just feel like you guys might be putting this relationship on hold because you two are hoping that in a couple of years that you'll both be successful, have already accomplished all the dreams that you wanted, have secure jobs so you don't have to worry about what to do with your life ... and then finally be in the same city so you guys *will* have time in your life for each other. And then since you guys already love each other everything will work out just dandy!

And I just don't find that very realistic. Sorry. I think the younger we are the less responsibilities we have to worry about (I've been told this recently). Or not even that, but there are probably obstacles in our path that we can't even begin to fathom about. That much I can say with confidence.

So I feel like if there's something you want - unless you have good reason - you should not put it on hold. Nay! I mean there always will be obstacles. C'est la vie (sp?). But well, this is your life and you do what you want with it. Don't waste time.

OH! And on a last note, I'll be done soon... I hope this was helpful...but yes, my last point is, and this is from the Bible,

" Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellsprings of life" (Prov. 4:23)

It is only fair to your future boyfriend/husband/prospective suitors that you give them whatever you have (left) of your heart. You should only spend emotional, mental, ... energy on the things that matter in this world. So make sure he matters okay?

May you be happy with the choices you make (and no regrets!)

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It amazes me what I come up with sometimes. :)