Thursday, March 26, 2009
more musings, this time on compliments
House Episode "Social Contract"
House: It's funny how people cling to insults, or what they think are insults. (approx.)
I told this to my friend, upon which he replied back a similar story his father told him, "If you're being judged and 99 judges give you all positive reviews and 1 judge gives you a negative review, it doesn't matter, you're still going to remember that one negative review the most."
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All this just makes me wonder - why is it about compliments/advice/words from other people that stick out to us so much?
I mean, is it because we think they can see something that we can't? But then, often times, if we hear something we don't like, isn't it, well, "they don't know us that well." Or something like that. I mean, there's always something more that you can rationalize with. You can keep talking on and on until they can see it from your point of view. So then it can't be something that they can see that we can't.
Hm, I mean is it just because we want to know that we're not alone in our opinions? But then again, so we keep prodding at such and such direction, we keep hinting and nudging them to say something. You know, slyly lead the conversation to said direction until we hear it. But then those are just so...empty. I think we've all felt it when we've "fished for compliments," I mean, it doesn't satisfy.
I mean it's so blatant when somebody asks a question that you don't really need to answer it, "Don't you think this fits me really well?" Hrm, let me think about that one.
Maybe that's where a lot of our problems come from as well, our opinions are already nested inside our questions and we're not really asking questions to hear what the other person has to say but more of, to confirm ourselves.
But why do we need to confirm ourselves? Why this need to not be alone in our own judgment? Is it because we don't think we have a sound judgment? Okay, this is for most people alright.
Yeah I don't know why I like other people's compliments more so than when I can say them to myself. I mean, I know exactly what I want to hear, and I can tell myself as openly and as honestly as I can because well, I'll know if I'm not telling the truth. With others, this is limited. So why do I like it when people say the same things [I could tell myself] better?
Yikes!
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maybe it's the fact that it's been recognized, the fact that someone else in the world has seen a quality of you that you wanted (or hoped was) there and they reaffirmed the presence of that. you don't necessarily have to fish for it, it just... appears. it's a pleasant surprise. it's not something that happens too often. sometimes, you want a quality in you and you strive for that. it may be the fruit of those efforts. and they it certainly sticks out, because it's the carrot, and not the stick.
ReplyDeleteit may also be an (re-)affirmation (maybe?) of worth. that you contribute something good in someone's life or in society (personally, i like the "someone's life" better). i can't remember who said it, but there's some sort of quote that says that you truly feel better serving others than serving yourself (could be gandhi).
we are not solitary.
we want a connection to the rest of the world.
compliments do that, maybe.
it could range from "you're a nice person" to "you look nice in that outfit." while the "you're a nice person" sort of compliment is rather obvious in its worth both to you and in other people's life, i guess the "you look nice in that sort of outfit" is a little harder to debate about. but it does imply that you are attractive. or that you look good. that you're not some part of some negative group that people tend to avoid.
does that make sense?
these are the first thoughts i came up with real quick. tried to make it as organized as i could. but you know me. chaos.
and blup blup.
der wille zur macht
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