visa form griefs

so i really don't like filling out forms, idk, the only pleasure i get out of filling them out is filling out the really easy stuff like my name and birthday. and that's only because i like looking at my handwriting.

heh, i remember i even started filling out my gatech app because i liked handwriting so much...and then it got to more difficult things like essays and i decided perhaps it was time for the computer age to kick in.

:sigh:

filling out an app for a visa now. hopefully i'll get this done in time before i leave. i can't believe it's coming up so soon. march is almost over. i think in general every first few months of the year pass by so fast.

wow!

:sigh: i really don't like filling out these "official" forms, i really just wish someone would double check them for me so i don't mess up. actually, i usually do. i guess that's one more thing about being indepdence i need to learn about, just depending on myself. yikes!

so the one good thing about this is that i need to go to the police dept. to get a "police certificate of good conduct" and well...heh, the police dept. is right across my work place. i believe it's 15 numbers down (11460 vs 11445) so at least that part's not a pain.

gaghhh these forms. plus the german ones are ridiculous. thank goodness they have german and english words on them because they're so ridiculously long (compound words). i mean, the longest word in english, antidisestablishmentarian, looks so puny by comparison to, oh idk...work agency...or something. >.<

more musings, this time on compliments

House Episode "Social Contract"

House: It's funny how people cling to insults, or what they think are insults. (approx.)

I told this to my friend, upon which he replied back a similar story his father told him, "If you're being judged and 99 judges give you all positive reviews and 1 judge gives you a negative review, it doesn't matter, you're still going to remember that one negative review the most."

-----

All this just makes me wonder - why is it about compliments/advice/words from other people that stick out to us so much?

I mean, is it because we think they can see something that we can't? But then, often times, if we hear something we don't like, isn't it, well, "they don't know us that well." Or something like that. I mean, there's always something more that you can rationalize with. You can keep talking on and on until they can see it from your point of view. So then it can't be something that they can see that we can't.

Hm, I mean is it just because we want to know that we're not alone in our opinions? But then again, so we keep prodding at such and such direction, we keep hinting and nudging them to say something. You know, slyly lead the conversation to said direction until we hear it. But then those are just so...empty. I think we've all felt it when we've "fished for compliments," I mean, it doesn't satisfy.

I mean it's so blatant when somebody asks a question that you don't really need to answer it, "Don't you think this fits me really well?" Hrm, let me think about that one.

Maybe that's where a lot of our problems come from as well, our opinions are already nested inside our questions and we're not really asking questions to hear what the other person has to say but more of, to confirm ourselves.

But why do we need to confirm ourselves? Why this need to not be alone in our own judgment? Is it because we don't think we have a sound judgment? Okay, this is for most people alright.

Yeah I don't know why I like other people's compliments more so than when I can say them to myself. I mean, I know exactly what I want to hear, and I can tell myself as openly and as honestly as I can because well, I'll know if I'm not telling the truth. With others, this is limited. So why do I like it when people say the same things [I could tell myself] better?

Yikes!

past, present, future life

so yesterday my manager asked me about GHP - WOW that was a quick rush of memories -

okay so i tried to be dramatic but it didn't really work. heh. but she did probe me further as to what it was like, etc. and i realized (once again) how hard it was to describe something without experiencing it yourself. sure you can say you're off on your own and it's like going to college, and you love the atmosphere ... but it really is so much more than that.

hrm, oh well. we did spend an hour talking about it though (pity it was when i was leaving or else i could have clocked the hours lawl). well, it was a continous flow from ghp to high school to advice about that to jobs afterwards. heh, her friend's son's future to my future to futures in general.

anyway, she asked me if there was any advice i could give on ghp, or even hs classes. oh right, and then i talked about her daughter's futures which included middle school.

so my advice was basically to take as many fun classes as possible in hs. and by that, i guess i meant honors and ap classes. i wish i hadn't cared about grades as much back then and just took all the classes i wanted to then ... i mean, looking back on it now, i don't think it really matters.

ESPECIALLY middle school classes. man, i can't believe i worked my butt off in lang. arts and none of those grades carried over. just math and language (i was sure to advise her to tell her daughters that to make sure they had good grades there).

oh yes, but back to it. hrm, i realize now that i should have taken hrm....everything. i just want the exposure. we had ap art history... we had auto shop class... man my school offered a lot. :)

which is why when i get back to tech i'm going to take advtg of... oh wait, hah...what classes again? :P my goal when i come back (spring 2010) is to take joint classes at emory. MMHRM! i want to take some of their philosophy/ethics classes there. that would be nice i think.

mmm and of course dance class.

heh... i was proud of myself today. while we were talking i asked my manager what she thought i should do for a future (she was recommending that to get higher up, i needed to specialize, not necessarily a masters in a technical field but maybe even business) but she told me my strengths. hearing praise is always nice, but i guess hearing it from her was nice because i wasn't sure how she felt about me after i came into work late a few (...) times.

she said my strengths was that i picked up things very fast, especially technical skills (that made me feel good). she also said that one of my strenghts that engineers didn't have, was that i could communicate with people very well.

i guess that led to how i told her i wanted to be a field service engineer. for those that i haven't described it to, the way i heard of it was you work for a company that specializes in something, say, pacemakers. then you work with the company who makes the pacemakers, with the hospitals and doctors that you're trying to sell it to, and also with the patients that are using it. so you need to have the skills to describe to everybody how it functions and what it'll be doing for you. i would enjoy that.

but then she pointed out that after a few years, you would probably see the same things over again and it might not be as interesting. that was where she told me that if i wanted to get further i might have to specialize. sigh, all this is so far away. i hate wanting to get ahead, and yet i know i need to. something about me... always pushing.

hrmm...

on another note, reading my friend's blog about how he wanted to be a man after God's own heart was very... encouraging, to say at the very least. it's the happiness and at peace that i seek for but don't know how to ... obtain?

and it's fitting when i listen to the song, "on fire" by switchfoot

"But everything inside you
knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words"

i know i've felt this time and time again.

actually, the whole l yrics,

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you need to leave.
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be.

But everything inside you
knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words

And you're on fire
when he's near you
You're on fire when he speaks
You're on fire burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
give me one more chance to see,
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be near you.

When everything inside me
Looks like everything i hate
You are the hope i have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries.

I'm standing on the edge of me,
I'm standing at the edge of everything I've ever been
And I've been standing at the edge of me, standing
at the edge"

hilarious subway commercial

love it!

plane tickets

WHY is it so frustrating buying tickets ?

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...

:sigh:

MORE AGHHHHHHHHH...


but, it is done. i leave for munich on tuesday, april 28th and come back tuesday, dec. 29th

I Wanna Dance with Somebody

I really love (east coast) swing dancing. :sigh: I can't believe I almost gave it up. And when I get back to Tech next (...) semester I'm going to pick up salsa as well, and and...

Oh I really like dancing. It makes me so happy hehe. I find myself dancing by myself a lot more now and I don't even care. More absentmindedly, like when I'm waiting in line and such. In the bathroom, in front of the mirror, haha.

I hope my boyfriend likes to dance as well...mmm...

"Oh I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me*"

I can just imagine it ...

"Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl**"

Mmmm :)! I wanna dance with somebody... du du du...




* Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)
** Idina Menzel - I'm Not That Girl [Wicked OST]

ambition

And during frustrating and confusing times like this, I turn to Laura's* wise words regarding my choices ...


Ambition

Ambition is necessary to accomplishment. Without an ambition to gain an end, nothing would be done. Without an ambition to excel others and to surpass one's self there would be no superior merit. To win anything, we must have ambition to do so.

Ambition is a good servant but a bad master. So long as we control our ambition, it is good, but if there is danger of our being ruled by it, then I would say in the words of Shakespeare, "Cromwell, I charge thee, fling away ambition. By that sin fell the angels."



* I mean - really - who else but Laura Ingalls Wilder?