inability to move

What does it take to make an impression on you? A personal experience? One of those inspirational movies?

First,

impression n. a strong effect produced on the intellect, feelings, conscience, etc.; an effect, feeling, or image retained as a consequence of experience

I've mentioned before that I believe if you don't remember something the first (or however many) time(s) around, it's just because it didn't make a strong enough impression on you. From that I don't intend to analyze it further into motivations, just what I simply stated. It did not spur you on to further action.

That being said, I wonder how long it takes for an impression to fade away? I wish I had a great quote or song lyric to embed here, it'd be so perfect. Alas!

So ... man, I wanted to write this all poetically but it's getting late and I didn't spend enough time organizing it in my head so I guess this'll be free thought again. Oh well.

So on Saturday I watched Changeling with some of my friends. In case you don't know, it's about a single mother in the late 1920s in L.A. raising a son. One day, her son gets kidnapped. The LAPD returns her "son" to her ~6 months later but the mom insists that this isn't her son. The corrupt LAPD insists that it's her son and makes her take care of her "son". After stirring "trouble" because she still wants the LAPD to continue look for her "real" son they send her into a mental asylum. Afterwards you find out that there's a chance that somewhere near Canada there's this psychopathic child killer that has killed bunches of other missing kids, etc. blah blah.

Hrm, so this past Wednesday(?) I saw Slumdog Millionaire. Again, some of the scenes included the child kidnapping/prositution within the slums in India. You see scenes of how blind singers and pregnant children "earn double!" (So the adults make the kids blind... force the girls into prostitution, give them babies to pretend that they're mothers.)

And then my mind wanders to what other topics on this delicate thread.

There are personal experiences that I think are dreams but happened to long ago that I can barely differentiate anymore but, what does it matter? It's not a matter of testifying in court - it's what it takes to move you.

"I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move"

- "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot

And are you moved? For how long? Do you give up after a couple of years because of the overwhelming odds? Or do you give up even before you try?

" WHO IS THIS CHILD
WHAT DOES SHE MEAN TO ME
I CLOSE MY EYES
AND STILL HER FACE I SEE
SHE IS BUT ONE
HER KIND IS EVERYWHERE
CAN'T YOU SEE THERE'S NO WAY I SHOULD CARE

CAN YOU SEE IT IN THE NIGHT
CAN YOU FEEL THAT IT'S OUT THERE
IT'S THE ARCING OF A LIFE
AND IT'S HANGING IN THE AIR

THOUGH I TRY TO CLOSE MY EYES
AND PRETEND THAT I DON'T KNOW
IN MY HEART
I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO*"

- Who Is This Child by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra

I love the last part. Actually, I love all the lyrics in this song. It was awfully hard to choose a stanza and well, clearly you can see I failed. But that last part - it's so honest - and it's what makes people have a heart,

" THOUGH I TRY TO CLOSE MY EYES
AND PRETEND THAT I DON'T KNOW
IN MY HEART
I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO"

I believe that's what makes people different from others. It's what's in their heart, and what has the ability to move them. Some people were talking about this at work a month or so ago (I feel like I mentioned this before as well), how even though one day we might be able to build robots, we wouldn't be able to give them a soul, and how only God could do that. I didn't know what to think of that.

I guess that's the same thing the movie A.I. deals with - could you create a robot that could love? Same concept inn Bicentennial Man.

Oh no I'm straying off topic again. So many thoughts going on in my head!

Anyway, I wanted to talk about my inability to move. You'd think with all these horrid flashes of reality of child molestation/prostitution/abuse that I'd be moved to do something. And yet, I'm afraid to. What of though? That I'd be exposed? That I'd become a victim? That I wouldn't know where to start?

What does it mean? That the movies, touching as they were, didn't make that much of an impression on me? That I have no heart? That I'm so comfortable where I am that I can't imagine what it's like living in this other world that I only see a couple minutes of?

I mean, I believe that if you're going to do something, it should be whole-heartedly and that you should know why. So if you're starting something, then you need to be in it. Hrm, it's just, where am I in all of this?

UGh that last part wasn't clear. I'm trying to say........

I guess I'm disappointed in myself that I can dare say I'm (and others) touched by a movie or song (I was deeply touched by the "Who is this child?") and then stand to do nothing about it. Or do something but stop within a few months. It just feels so hypocritical. And THEN I go and start judging and feel disappointed and that's just not the way to go. It's just all these negative thoughts. I don't even know where to start or the right thing to do.

HMM.. you'd think after thinking about this for a few days it'd have clear up in my head some.

I guess I just wonder what moves me. Or people in general. I guess that's why I'm so interested in reading about other people, maybe looking in other people will help me find myself in a way although I know that's not true. But I can't help doing it anyway? Gah!

Enough of this. I'll make more sense of this later. Or at least I hope I do. Well, something to get out of this at least is the song. And the movie. :)







* It seems all the lyrics I've found for TSO are in all caps, not sure why, but too lazy to retype.