I'M SO HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY!
i got two emails from ROCHE(germany) and TELEFLEX MEDICAL(ireland) today wanting phone interviews with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! for meeeeeeeee!
btw, i'm sure you guys know this but if not, i'm applying for the work/study abroad program set up by the bme dept. basically you spend the summer studying abroad in ireland (univ. of galway) and then in the fall you'd intern at a company. it's a joint program so if a company likes/contacts/extends an offer to you, then you get to go in the summer as well.
eeesh i think i should go prepare for the companies now. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
trouble believing
So on the drive back home from work tonight I realized why I have so much trouble believing in (a) God...
I remember when I was little if I saw something supernatural (say, a magic flying carpet), though I might have believed in it at the time, when I grew up I knew that it just wasn't possible. Not really.
A better analogy is this. Nowdays if I watch a magic show, if I see something that's just too good to be true, some great magic, well I know there's a trick to it. It's not *really* like that. I know that behind it, there's a really simple, and most importantly, logical explanation.
Applying that to religion, in a sense, I feel like it is just too easy of an answer. That if the magic trick was equivalent to the problems in this world, then that simple explanation that would make sense is equivalent to a God, who could make it all go away. It just seems too ... easy.
It reminds me of a term I learned in lang, deus ex machina (sp?)*. It's basically when all seems hopeless (and the author wants to end it quickly imo), some magical solution appears that normally couldn't/wouldn't happen, well, happens.
But I wonder where my block is coming from. I mean, I know this is the stem of it, but the root?
:Sigh:
I was at work today, and I went to a different building to do some menial work. Anyway, I got to talking (as I do) with some of the other workers and well, somehow we got on the topic of ... oh I remember now. We were talking about the blood drive next week and whether or not we were goign to give blood. Then they were asking about engineered blood and cloning. Anyway, one of the workers said that she didn't believe they should do it, that some things should just be left alone. Another guy said he agreed, and that anything they made wouldn't have a soul, a conscience. He said that only God could give that. Etc. Etc.
I guess my point in bringing up this story is that, it just surprised me how easily they mentioned God, how clearly He was a part of their life. It seemed their belief in a God was solid. I just can't fathom how people put their faith in er... things. I mean, what does that speak of me? Where/what I put my faith in?! Actually, what do I put my faith in?
* Yay I'm right. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deus_ex_machina
I remember when I was little if I saw something supernatural (say, a magic flying carpet), though I might have believed in it at the time, when I grew up I knew that it just wasn't possible. Not really.
A better analogy is this. Nowdays if I watch a magic show, if I see something that's just too good to be true, some great magic, well I know there's a trick to it. It's not *really* like that. I know that behind it, there's a really simple, and most importantly, logical explanation.
Applying that to religion, in a sense, I feel like it is just too easy of an answer. That if the magic trick was equivalent to the problems in this world, then that simple explanation that would make sense is equivalent to a God, who could make it all go away. It just seems too ... easy.
It reminds me of a term I learned in lang, deus ex machina (sp?)*. It's basically when all seems hopeless (and the author wants to end it quickly imo), some magical solution appears that normally couldn't/wouldn't happen, well, happens.
But I wonder where my block is coming from. I mean, I know this is the stem of it, but the root?
:Sigh:
I was at work today, and I went to a different building to do some menial work. Anyway, I got to talking (as I do) with some of the other workers and well, somehow we got on the topic of ... oh I remember now. We were talking about the blood drive next week and whether or not we were goign to give blood. Then they were asking about engineered blood and cloning. Anyway, one of the workers said that she didn't believe they should do it, that some things should just be left alone. Another guy said he agreed, and that anything they made wouldn't have a soul, a conscience. He said that only God could give that. Etc. Etc.
I guess my point in bringing up this story is that, it just surprised me how easily they mentioned God, how clearly He was a part of their life. It seemed their belief in a God was solid. I just can't fathom how people put their faith in er... things. I mean, what does that speak of me? Where/what I put my faith in?! Actually, what do I put my faith in?
* Yay I'm right. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deus_ex_machina
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Just Right
I wonder what truly gives us our sense of belonging. Nestled within the depths of our persona there must be something that ties a bit of ourselves to something else. That speaks, even calls out to us. Isn't there?
So I was lying in bed thinking about a statement my friend said about two weeks ago. She mentioned how she always liked hanging out with people older than her. She deemed it was because she saw people her age, or even those younger than her as immature (or not even that, but was not at the same level as her). Therefore, she said that even when she was younger, she enjoyed talking to people older than her.
[Sigh. And now instead of sleeping (wah!) I'm writing. Just wanted to disturb the ambience of the post with my annoying voice to let you know I'm annoyed right now too. Hehe, maybe it's the sign of a true writer...and then you read what I write. Ok, enough of me. More of my thoughts.]
Anyway, her comment just got me to thinking about all sorts of good things - how I liked talking to people older than me, wait, how I liked talking to people younger than me to, how I used to always hang out with people older than me, how I used to be a role model to the kids I babysat, how I hang out with guys a lot, how I hang out with a really diverse groups of people, how I felt alone when I was younger but popular now. And then that got me thinking as to the kinds of people that I talked to. And then that got me thinking as to the development of cliques, of having a group to "belong" to, of people like me.
Hm, by like me I suppose immediately I think of interests. A friend of mine was interning last summer at a company that he had dreamed of working for since who knows when. (Well actually, I can probably guess, I'd like to say early high school or late middle school. Well, let me clarify, hrm, the type of job since then, the company probably high school. Irrelevant.) He told me that when he got to work there, it felt like he was at home, just being around people that shared the same interests as him. How he could talk about the same things with them and not have to explain himself. How they were like him.
It's that sense of belonging that makes me wonder what's out there in the world. I said for some time a couple of months ago* I was feeling a bit sad because I felt like there weren't really people for me to talk to. I guess it's moments like those that I wonder if there's something that would help me feel belonged to.
After all, once you know what you want, or what the problem is, you can go about fixing it. I suppose that's what a majority of life is, going around searching. This past Sunday somone said an interesting quote, paraphrased from his paraphrasing as, "You don't go through life not getting what you want. No. You get exactly what you want and realize, 'That's it?'" Come to think of it, I thought he was going to end with, "But that's not what you truly want." Which goes both ways I suppose.
It's true though. I remember reading those books, oh I can't remember which one exactly now, but it's one of those reoccuring themes, where ... Oh! Well I can think of one instance. It was in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone where Harry looks in the Mirror and the mirror will show exactly what you want/most desire. I remember feeling curious as to what I would see if I looked in the mirror because well, I don't know what I want. Being honest with myself of course, I really don't think I do. It probably is a sense of belonging though. Of being with my people.
Heh, I used to joke about that actually. If you look up Karen, reputable sources (Wikipedia, dictionary.com) will tell you that Karen is actually an ethic group of people who live off the southern coast of Burma. I used to joke that I'd have a whole group of followers just like me, where they would hail and worship me. Heh, my friend said that was a scary thought. I thought it'd be ... interesting to see. Another Karen in the world!
Wow I have truly digressed. It's okay, I've satisfied my writing (and by that I mean typing) desires and penned enough interesting thoughts to hopefully satiate my now 6(!) readers. Hehe. Six**!
* Time frame not exactly correct. It's a reoccuring feeling that comes every once in a while, as with a lot of people I'm sure.
** Six just reminded me of this *dorky* math joke.
So a student was having trouble with some simple algebra. This is how he did his math:
1 * [ sin(x) / n ] = ? (crosses out the n's)
1 * [ si(x) / 1 ] = ?
1 * [ six ] = ?
= 6!
Hey :P If I get 7 readers I'll say something else dorky, go tell all your friends now! ... Kidding.
So I was lying in bed thinking about a statement my friend said about two weeks ago. She mentioned how she always liked hanging out with people older than her. She deemed it was because she saw people her age, or even those younger than her as immature (or not even that, but was not at the same level as her). Therefore, she said that even when she was younger, she enjoyed talking to people older than her.
[Sigh. And now instead of sleeping (wah!) I'm writing. Just wanted to disturb the ambience of the post with my annoying voice to let you know I'm annoyed right now too. Hehe, maybe it's the sign of a true writer...and then you read what I write. Ok, enough of me. More of my thoughts.]
Anyway, her comment just got me to thinking about all sorts of good things - how I liked talking to people older than me, wait, how I liked talking to people younger than me to, how I used to always hang out with people older than me, how I used to be a role model to the kids I babysat, how I hang out with guys a lot, how I hang out with a really diverse groups of people, how I felt alone when I was younger but popular now. And then that got me thinking as to the kinds of people that I talked to. And then that got me thinking as to the development of cliques, of having a group to "belong" to, of people like me.
Hm, by like me I suppose immediately I think of interests. A friend of mine was interning last summer at a company that he had dreamed of working for since who knows when. (Well actually, I can probably guess, I'd like to say early high school or late middle school. Well, let me clarify, hrm, the type of job since then, the company probably high school. Irrelevant.) He told me that when he got to work there, it felt like he was at home, just being around people that shared the same interests as him. How he could talk about the same things with them and not have to explain himself. How they were like him.
It's that sense of belonging that makes me wonder what's out there in the world. I said for some time a couple of months ago* I was feeling a bit sad because I felt like there weren't really people for me to talk to. I guess it's moments like those that I wonder if there's something that would help me feel belonged to.
After all, once you know what you want, or what the problem is, you can go about fixing it. I suppose that's what a majority of life is, going around searching. This past Sunday somone said an interesting quote, paraphrased from his paraphrasing as, "You don't go through life not getting what you want. No. You get exactly what you want and realize, 'That's it?'" Come to think of it, I thought he was going to end with, "But that's not what you truly want." Which goes both ways I suppose.
It's true though. I remember reading those books, oh I can't remember which one exactly now, but it's one of those reoccuring themes, where ... Oh! Well I can think of one instance. It was in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone where Harry looks in the Mirror and the mirror will show exactly what you want/most desire. I remember feeling curious as to what I would see if I looked in the mirror because well, I don't know what I want. Being honest with myself of course, I really don't think I do. It probably is a sense of belonging though. Of being with my people.
Heh, I used to joke about that actually. If you look up Karen, reputable sources (Wikipedia, dictionary.com) will tell you that Karen is actually an ethic group of people who live off the southern coast of Burma. I used to joke that I'd have a whole group of followers just like me, where they would hail and worship me. Heh, my friend said that was a scary thought. I thought it'd be ... interesting to see. Another Karen in the world!
Wow I have truly digressed. It's okay, I've satisfied my writing (and by that I mean typing) desires and penned enough interesting thoughts to hopefully satiate my now 6(!) readers. Hehe. Six**!
* Time frame not exactly correct. It's a reoccuring feeling that comes every once in a while, as with a lot of people I'm sure.
** Six just reminded me of this *dorky* math joke.
So a student was having trouble with some simple algebra. This is how he did his math:
1 * [ sin(x) / n ] = ? (crosses out the n's)
1 * [ si(x) / 1 ] = ?
1 * [ six ] = ?
= 6!
Hey :P If I get 7 readers I'll say something else dorky, go tell all your friends now! ... Kidding.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
desert rose
song: desert rose
artist: sting
There's some pretty descriptive imagery in this song, I particularly like these lines,
"I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand "
"Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire."
Heh, it just goes along with my previous entry about getting a guy to read those chick novels and seeing what they thought, seeing what a man's desire was. (I listened to the lyrics and thought to myself, well what d'we have here.) I can't remember where I heard this, but it was some basic advice to guys, which was, "Every girl wants to know two things: that you love her, and that you will always love her." I heard that and thought it was pretty true because after all the superficial requirements or whatnot, at the end of the day, well, we want the man to come back to us, eh? But what for guys, that I wonder.
artist: sting
There's some pretty descriptive imagery in this song, I particularly like these lines,
"I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand "
"Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire."
Heh, it just goes along with my previous entry about getting a guy to read those chick novels and seeing what they thought, seeing what a man's desire was. (I listened to the lyrics and thought to myself, well what d'we have here.) I can't remember where I heard this, but it was some basic advice to guys, which was, "Every girl wants to know two things: that you love her, and that you will always love her." I heard that and thought it was pretty true because after all the superficial requirements or whatnot, at the end of the day, well, we want the man to come back to us, eh? But what for guys, that I wonder.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
work it
As these "poor unfortunate souls..." went off to tech this week, I took the other path and went back to CIBA Vision where I co-oped last summer. I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet. For one thing, it was quite easy to slip back into the groove of things, easy to pick up where I left off and just continue as if I had never left (scary!). And another, well, it's just very far off. It feels like another world away from tech. Hrm, I remember at GHP they used to refer to it as a bubble, I suppose it's like the same thing.
I started cooking for myself, well, two days in a row at least. Yesterday I improvised corn(!) chowder and today I made mac and cheese(!). Mmmm, I love mac and cheese. And corn. Sigh, it tasted alright. It just didn't look very good, too much yellow. I felt kind of sorry for myself today because I had to eat leftover corn chowder for lunch and then my mac and cheese for dinner and realized that if this is what it's going to be like for me in the summer, well, I guess there's no need for me to try losing weight. Hehe, just kidding. But yeah, it's an interesting experience.
I've been hanging out with Sonica more, or I guess for a day I did. We went to Borders and watched 'Definitely, Maybe.' Oh, and this was spurred on because I saw a cool book title, "He's Just Not That Into You." Which made me really curious and want to kind of ... test my guy friends. I want them to read some of these chick novels that interpret, "what guys think" and tell me if that's really how guys think. Hehe. But then (after discussion with Sonica) that there are different kinds of guys, some of them with the mindset more of a girl and well, hrm, those are probably the guys I'd ask to read those books anyway. Dead end.
Anyway, maybe for my 'ideal guy' spiel I'll also find movies with amazing guys (aka Jim Caviezel(!), Gerald Butler(!), Aladdin(!), ... shrug, who else, I don't know, and I'll just write what I like about them. Yeah, we (high school gals) watched The Count of Monte Cristo(!) over break so I'm all about Jim Caviezel right now. Not really, but I do like him.
Hm, what else did I want to catch up talking on.
OH - I went shopping at Kroger with my mom and dad today. That was kind of fun. My dad's so silly sometimes. He pulled his hoodie up tight over his head because it was cold outside and then he asked me if he looked pretty (he might have fluttered his eyelashes at me) and I looked him straight in the eye and said something in Chinese equivalent to, "No, you look like an ugly old man." And my mom laughed. Aw. [Ok, it doesn't sound nearly as amusing writing it down, maybe you just had to see my dad.] Aw, my dad. And to think, he doesn't know I'm writing about him ... (heh). I wonder if he's even thinking about me right now, or knows I'm thinking about him! I wonder if anyone's thinking about me? :P
OK - time to go to bed. I've been waking up late for worke veryday, I get in around 9:20-30am (which is kind of sad because I timed my commute today and it was ~6 min. Sigh. I'm supposed to start the semester off at 9 and then slip into 9:30 later on. Oh no what's going to happen to me if I start off at 9:30? LUCKILY I found out yesterday that since I have to work 8 hours a day, that I get a 30 min. lunch and 2 15 min breaks paid for. I NEVER knew that! I vaguely remember them mentioning that when I was at Kohl's but wow, now I just leave early. Heh, or well, the same time as I used to even though I come in late. Well, win some and lose some.
Night fellas.
I started cooking for myself, well, two days in a row at least. Yesterday I improvised corn(!) chowder and today I made mac and cheese(!). Mmmm, I love mac and cheese. And corn. Sigh, it tasted alright. It just didn't look very good, too much yellow. I felt kind of sorry for myself today because I had to eat leftover corn chowder for lunch and then my mac and cheese for dinner and realized that if this is what it's going to be like for me in the summer, well, I guess there's no need for me to try losing weight. Hehe, just kidding. But yeah, it's an interesting experience.
I've been hanging out with Sonica more, or I guess for a day I did. We went to Borders and watched 'Definitely, Maybe.' Oh, and this was spurred on because I saw a cool book title, "He's Just Not That Into You." Which made me really curious and want to kind of ... test my guy friends. I want them to read some of these chick novels that interpret, "what guys think" and tell me if that's really how guys think. Hehe. But then (after discussion with Sonica) that there are different kinds of guys, some of them with the mindset more of a girl and well, hrm, those are probably the guys I'd ask to read those books anyway. Dead end.
Anyway, maybe for my 'ideal guy' spiel I'll also find movies with amazing guys (aka Jim Caviezel(!), Gerald Butler(!), Aladdin(!), ... shrug, who else, I don't know, and I'll just write what I like about them. Yeah, we (high school gals) watched The Count of Monte Cristo(!) over break so I'm all about Jim Caviezel right now. Not really, but I do like him.
Hm, what else did I want to catch up talking on.
OH - I went shopping at Kroger with my mom and dad today. That was kind of fun. My dad's so silly sometimes. He pulled his hoodie up tight over his head because it was cold outside and then he asked me if he looked pretty (he might have fluttered his eyelashes at me) and I looked him straight in the eye and said something in Chinese equivalent to, "No, you look like an ugly old man." And my mom laughed. Aw. [Ok, it doesn't sound nearly as amusing writing it down, maybe you just had to see my dad.] Aw, my dad. And to think, he doesn't know I'm writing about him ... (heh). I wonder if he's even thinking about me right now, or knows I'm thinking about him! I wonder if anyone's thinking about me? :P
OK - time to go to bed. I've been waking up late for worke veryday, I get in around 9:20-30am (which is kind of sad because I timed my commute today and it was ~6 min. Sigh. I'm supposed to start the semester off at 9 and then slip into 9:30 later on. Oh no what's going to happen to me if I start off at 9:30? LUCKILY I found out yesterday that since I have to work 8 hours a day, that I get a 30 min. lunch and 2 15 min breaks paid for. I NEVER knew that! I vaguely remember them mentioning that when I was at Kohl's but wow, now I just leave early. Heh, or well, the same time as I used to even though I come in late. Well, win some and lose some.
Night fellas.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
fleeting happiness
I wonder what depression feels like, or is really about. Is it just a continual never-ceasing downward slope of er..unhappiness? I mean, is it just no feeling of happiness in between at all? Or are the happy moments just so outweighted? Or is it fleeting moments of happiness?
[ACTUALLY! Before I continue on this, I remember my friend once told me something was wrong with me, as in how could I promise to write about something good, and then follow with the complete opposite, or as he liked to say, "a bunch of poo." Oh well, I guess I'll keep this in mind for next time because if I changed the title now, well then this little paragraph would not make any sense at all and readers (hah!) would make a fuss.]
So I actually started this post because I was thinking of a friend I know who I feel is particularly unhappy. Mostly, she, like me, am unsure of what makes her truly happy. I'm trying to describe a particularly, continual happiness; not the kind of fleeting happiness that comes when you score a goal or something. Something with permanence.
When I used to feel depressed and how I didn't know what made me happy (or some continued rant of my lack of happiness) my friend told me, "Happiness is relative." Meh, it's true enough I suppose. He continued that since it was relative, that there was no need for me to go searching about for my continual happiness because such did not exist. But I think his response is just my lack of skill in describing the continual happiness I'm sure I've felt before, and somehow lost.
What then, is the key to one's happiness?
I guess this depends on what you're unhappy about. That is, if you even know. Say, if you were unhappy about the way your life has turned out.
"Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husband's a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned 24
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?
...[1]"
Or maybe if it's over an unsettled spat that still plagues you.
"I believe forgiveness is the key to your happiness[2]."
Meh, this is true enough I suppose. Spats are pretty unhappy deals.
Nah, I think the key to my (perhaps others as well?) unhapiness is that I'm unsure of what makes me happy. A continual happiness I can't properly describe. The fleeting happiness that pervades my life instead. Oh well, in times like this I like to turn to Goo Goo dolls, who say
"I know it's out there
I know it's out there[3]"
[1] 1985 by Bowling for Soup
[2] Affirmation by Savage Garden
[3] Here is Gone by The Goo Goo Dolls
[ACTUALLY! Before I continue on this, I remember my friend once told me something was wrong with me, as in how could I promise to write about something good, and then follow with the complete opposite, or as he liked to say, "a bunch of poo." Oh well, I guess I'll keep this in mind for next time because if I changed the title now, well then this little paragraph would not make any sense at all and readers (hah!) would make a fuss.]
So I actually started this post because I was thinking of a friend I know who I feel is particularly unhappy. Mostly, she, like me, am unsure of what makes her truly happy. I'm trying to describe a particularly, continual happiness; not the kind of fleeting happiness that comes when you score a goal or something. Something with permanence.
When I used to feel depressed and how I didn't know what made me happy (or some continued rant of my lack of happiness) my friend told me, "Happiness is relative." Meh, it's true enough I suppose. He continued that since it was relative, that there was no need for me to go searching about for my continual happiness because such did not exist. But I think his response is just my lack of skill in describing the continual happiness I'm sure I've felt before, and somehow lost.
What then, is the key to one's happiness?
I guess this depends on what you're unhappy about. That is, if you even know. Say, if you were unhappy about the way your life has turned out.
"Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husband's a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned 24
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?
...[1]"
Or maybe if it's over an unsettled spat that still plagues you.
"I believe forgiveness is the key to your happiness[2]."
Meh, this is true enough I suppose. Spats are pretty unhappy deals.
Nah, I think the key to my (perhaps others as well?) unhapiness is that I'm unsure of what makes me happy. A continual happiness I can't properly describe. The fleeting happiness that pervades my life instead. Oh well, in times like this I like to turn to Goo Goo dolls, who say
"I know it's out there
I know it's out there[3]"
[1] 1985 by Bowling for Soup
[2] Affirmation by Savage Garden
[3] Here is Gone by The Goo Goo Dolls
Saturday, January 3, 2009
future parents
I love how during the holidays people actually have time for each other and you get to meet up with friends again. Mmm, the ones you haven't seen in months. Yay. :)
Anyway, seeing some of my friends from long ago (years!) makes me realized how much college has changed all of us. I see certain characteistics have exacerbated (imo) or are just much, more apparent. I guess college loosens us up, or has for me.
Anyway, after not having seen some of my friends for the longest time, I could actually see ... some parental qualities in them. I could see some of them jumping to conclusions without any basis and forbidding their kids to do likewise (I'm always amused about whatever newfangled medical marvel those chinese newspapers tell my mom, and then a mixture of annoyance/disbelief when I find out she's serious.) And then there are some that I can see embarassing their kids. Heh.
I mean, it's just interesting. I've always wondered what my parents, or what certain people were like years ago (they couldn't have always been this mature? childlish?), and well, I can kind of see that now.
Have you guys ever felt/seen that before, especially if you've moved? I see ... repeating traits in people. It's how some people remind me of others. They way they react (NL #3). It's reminiscent of other qualities. Sigh, I'm saying the same thing over and over again. I. Need. To. Be. More. Succinct.
Anyway, seeing some of my friends from long ago (years!) makes me realized how much college has changed all of us. I see certain characteistics have exacerbated (imo) or are just much, more apparent. I guess college loosens us up, or has for me.
Anyway, after not having seen some of my friends for the longest time, I could actually see ... some parental qualities in them. I could see some of them jumping to conclusions without any basis and forbidding their kids to do likewise (I'm always amused about whatever newfangled medical marvel those chinese newspapers tell my mom, and then a mixture of annoyance/disbelief when I find out she's serious.) And then there are some that I can see embarassing their kids. Heh.
I mean, it's just interesting. I've always wondered what my parents, or what certain people were like years ago (they couldn't have always been this mature? childlish?), and well, I can kind of see that now.
Have you guys ever felt/seen that before, especially if you've moved? I see ... repeating traits in people. It's how some people remind me of others. They way they react (NL #3). It's reminiscent of other qualities. Sigh, I'm saying the same thing over and over again. I. Need. To. Be. More. Succinct.
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