Sometimes I wish people knew how to properly give advice. Instead, most times, it comes out as critcisim. Or at least that's how I take it and boy does it annoy me (see earlier Nov. 2008 post, "Criticisms").
I mean, that's the point of giving someone advice isn't it? To help them out. It's NOT to make yourself feel more knowledgable and "better." Well, at least that's what I like to think when people keep talking even though they know I'm not listening anymore. It's as if they have all these thoughts inside their head that they just have to get out to make themself feel better. Perhaps it's that gratifying "I told you so" that you get to say only if you've told them (regardless of open ears).
It's just not very productive. I mean, if your end goal is to help them, and your words are clearly falling on deaf ears, then perhaps you ought to just not talk (that's a mucher nicer way of saying shut up isn't it, pity I still think of shut up when they're critcizing me though...hey, at least it's think and not say :P). Either that or try another way. Another way as in talk and not yet. No condescending voice. No raised eyebrows.
(Oh, and the reason I got all these talks was because I was driving on the highway today.)
Some people really are just crowd pleasers and (1) know how to talk. I wonder how they do it. If not even that, I wonder how they can still (2) smile and take criticisms. So much self-control (?), I wonder how they do that. That's probably one thing I need to know because I've controlled myself (moer or less) to not talk back, but my face (!) still gives away what I'm thinking (SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP). >.
This is similar to another goal of mine a while ago. It was learning how to, for lack of a better word, influence people. Basically it was just to get my thoughts across. Hm, some call it manipulation. It's a great descriptor, I just don't like the connotiation. (Perhaps that's because people don't like the word, hehe.) Girls do get the tag of being manipulative, but this wasn't what I wanted to get across.
The thought (to be able to influence people) came to me when my friend, we'll call him tech guy1, was asking me for some advice about dating. He was asking what he should do because he knew this tech girl kind of liked him but he felt okay about her (as in, he could grow to like her), but after all, you're in college and you're supposed to date around.
(No, I didn't lash out at him. I actually agree with him, you should date around to find out the kind of person you want to be with.) Anyway, I started to say something, which started out as, "Well if you already know she's not the one, or she's lacking some things that you want. I don't see why you'd want to date her. I think you should only date around when everything fits and you're not aware of certain things you don't like..."
On second thought, I wonder if I even got to say that much. I remember being cut off really fast. "KAREN! You don't understand, I'm a TECH guy and this is a TECH girl. How often does a girl like a guy at tech? You don't understand Karen ... "
And immediately he doesn't listen to anything else I have to say and we drive off in silence. Or we might have changed topics after a minute or two.
Anyway, that made me realize the urgency of the situation. Well, not this one, but for future ones that matter more. Sex? Drugs? Your life?
I wonder why I got cut off before I could even finish my thoughts/advice. It's because tech guy1 didn't think I could ever understand. And he's true, I'll never be able to empathize with him, perhaps sympathize, but that probably wasn't good enough at the time.
It doesn't even matter that my advice might be worth listening to, I got cut off immediately because surely I wouldn't know anything about this matter. (To clarify, he was a bit tipsy and probably didn't remember asking me for advice. Therefore, someone seeking advice would probably be more inclined to listen. But the point remains.) It made me wonder how I could get my thoughts across/influence him to see from my point of view.
Heh, I told a friend of mine this goal and he thought it was kind of dangerous. If I ever got good at it, well, my friend just hoped that I had good intentinos in mind. Another friend thought thoughts like these made me fascinating. I think so too. I wonder if other people/who else thinks things like these. Is this the kind of guy I need? Someone who I can have fun analyzing?
Anyway, is people could just learn how to properly give/receive advice there wouldn't be a need for me to think of how to give advice to stubborn people. Intransigent. Grrr.
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Oh, and to think I just wanted to write a short (hah!) entry, cough, rant, about people who criticize me and annoy me and thus I don't listen to them but they still keep talking anyway. You probably got that somewhere around this big ol' mess.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
cleaning
mmm i never realized how soothing it is to clean. it's mindless enough that you can let your mind wander yet extremely productive. perfect!
man my room is dusty.
on another note, i've realized that lately i haven't been talking so much in a group...again. hrm, i always felt like there was a "reason" before, such as nostalgia, thinking of someone else, etc.. but now i don't think i have a reason. have i run out of reasons?
before i talked to a friend, i thought it was i needed a new set of friends. those that shared the same interests (whatever that may be) as me because i thought some of my friends topics were superficial. but then that brought up the question, what is worth talking about. my friend confidently listed off a few, current events, philosophy, ... heh, figures.
mmmm but that wasn't the underlying problem. oh. so something else conflicting was that other topics (that i may have spoke up more in, idk, i certaintly was at least actively listening, heh) i used to enjoy but all of a sudden i didn't enjoy anymore. enjoy as in, actively listen i suppose. i mean, sure they're stupid and superficial, but you can't be serious all the time. i don't think it was a maturity issue or anything. something else.
BUT cleaning helped me figure out what it was! hehe. i think lately i have just had a lot of my mind and i needed some sort of outlet, and clearly my friends were not fulfilling that. i started picking up new interests (increase, input) and i didn't have anywhere to release my newfound interests (decrease, output) which led to a mind crisis not to mention storage problem (trouble).
BUT luckily i have a blog so now i have some form of recording my memories (writing, albeit nice to study handwriting changes, is kind of slow), plus i love this tagging feature. i need to find some way to implement it with my book...one day. :)
lastly, in just two days three separate friends tell me that they are indeed reading my blog (but not leaving comments) so what do you know! perhaps it's not just me. :) it definitely isn't me if you see this, heh. oh, i guess unless you're reading it a second time.
i'm feeling more cheerful lately. yes, it could be that school is out, but i think it has more to do with the cleaning. it lets me sort of clean myself out too, i get a chance to reflect and reminiesce. i've opened up boxes of notes from high school (!) and ghp (!). wow. it's been a while. i have more time now, hopefully to read and just figure things out.
ok back to cleaning, i want to be done before new years.
man my room is dusty.
on another note, i've realized that lately i haven't been talking so much in a group...again. hrm, i always felt like there was a "reason" before, such as nostalgia, thinking of someone else, etc.. but now i don't think i have a reason. have i run out of reasons?
before i talked to a friend, i thought it was i needed a new set of friends. those that shared the same interests (whatever that may be) as me because i thought some of my friends topics were superficial. but then that brought up the question, what is worth talking about. my friend confidently listed off a few, current events, philosophy, ... heh, figures.
mmmm but that wasn't the underlying problem. oh. so something else conflicting was that other topics (that i may have spoke up more in, idk, i certaintly was at least actively listening, heh) i used to enjoy but all of a sudden i didn't enjoy anymore. enjoy as in, actively listen i suppose. i mean, sure they're stupid and superficial, but you can't be serious all the time. i don't think it was a maturity issue or anything. something else.
BUT cleaning helped me figure out what it was! hehe. i think lately i have just had a lot of my mind and i needed some sort of outlet, and clearly my friends were not fulfilling that. i started picking up new interests (increase, input) and i didn't have anywhere to release my newfound interests (decrease, output) which led to a mind crisis not to mention storage problem (trouble).
BUT luckily i have a blog so now i have some form of recording my memories (writing, albeit nice to study handwriting changes, is kind of slow), plus i love this tagging feature. i need to find some way to implement it with my book...one day. :)
lastly, in just two days three separate friends tell me that they are indeed reading my blog (but not leaving comments) so what do you know! perhaps it's not just me. :) it definitely isn't me if you see this, heh. oh, i guess unless you're reading it a second time.
i'm feeling more cheerful lately. yes, it could be that school is out, but i think it has more to do with the cleaning. it lets me sort of clean myself out too, i get a chance to reflect and reminiesce. i've opened up boxes of notes from high school (!) and ghp (!). wow. it's been a while. i have more time now, hopefully to read and just figure things out.
ok back to cleaning, i want to be done before new years.
sound of music
so i watched sound of music last night and when the girl, lisle (?), was singing that song, "i am 16 going on 17 ... " and the boy, rolfe, " you're still a baby... i am 17 going on 18... you need someone to show you the way... i'll take care of you."
i realized... she doesn't know a thing about boys and i don't either! i think we're both inexperienced. eeeep!
i realized... she doesn't know a thing about boys and i don't either! i think we're both inexperienced. eeeep!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Spine
In order to enlighten (imo) half the world and perhaps discover what it is I'm looking for, I'm going to attempt to write a series of short commentaries on an ideal man (imo).
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Spine
Oddly enough, I do get some pleasure from hearing people complain. I want to say it's because emotions have taken almost complete control over the person such that they're not thinking as logically and clear-minded as before and censoring themselves. They speak their mind and are very honest. I like that. It's one of the few times (e.g. sleeping) when I see something for what it truly is - no pretenses. I like that too.
What brings this to mind is that I recently went shopping with some friends, we'll just number them off as: guy 1, his girlfriend (girl 1). I don't know the exact numbers and I don't want to get bogged down in details so let's just say that guy 1 and girl 1 have been dating for less than a year. Things are going great, guy 1 likes to make girl 1 happy, treats her out, etc. and before he knows it, it's way too much. He's accompanying her shopping (aka holding the bags, paying) and talking about things he's not really interested in.
[Hm, this isn't going the way I want it to. AGAIN. This writing business is harder to get back into than I thought. Oh well, it's late, I'll plow on.]
In summary, guy 1 ends up complaining to me about girl 1 and how he doesn't know what to do. I'm not sure what use-less/ful advice I gave him, but these were my thoughts:
- I wish men would have more of a spine. Or at least the guys I know. I guess it's natural to want to impress others at first. Okay, but more than that.
How about ...
- I wish guys at Tech weren't so desperate sometimes. Maybe it should just be people in general and how - despite what our mothers (!) and advertisements bombard us with - there isn't a looming deadline over our heads to have a boy/girl-friend and get married.
Maybe then they would have more of a spine. As in, starting off not accepting anything ridiculous just because it's something that they're sure "all guys go through." (I did see an awful lot of husbands carrying bags during the post-Christmas sales.) I feel like it's pretty ridiculous to expect your boyfriend to go "shopping" with you as in just to carry your bags, or even worse, pay for you. However, if he's buying you something and he wants you to help him pick it out, then that's a different story.
This is probably just personal preference, but I don't like it when people do things but don't know why they're doing it. If they're uncertain, that's okay. (As long as they're actively searching why.) That's probably expecting too much though. It's just .... :sigh: What am I trying to say now?
I don't like people who do things for the sake of doing them. They just, go along with the flow. I like seeing passion in people. It's what gives you your "you." Idiosyncrasy. I love doing activities that I enjoy with people who enjoy it also. I think it's in the smile.
I think that's why I'm against people just coming along. But then I do it too. So this can't be what I'm really feeling. Or what I truly want to convey.
- I just wish guy 1 would not be afraid of losing girl 1. Sure he's older and his odds are dwindling , but is there ever a time to take a stand? to do what's right? The world is constantly pushing at us from all sides, if not now, then when? (I think I'm talking about something else now.)
I wish I could follow my own advice and not worry ... but that's for another time. (Definitely talking about something else now.)
I hope I'll be able to read my guy. It's a tricky balance - having enough depth so that there is something to read, and yet having enough tell-tale behaviors (pecularities?) to be able to tell and thus probe further as to why.
Hm, I wonder how easy it is to read me. I'm told - and I'm sure it's true - my face gives a lot away. But what about as to why. Do people already assume they know why and stop at that because eek! I don't think they're right.
:sigh: Digression.
----
Man, this commentary business is harder than I thought. Come to think of it, I don't even really know what a commentary is. I mean, this is better than just saying "lecture." Hrm, I wonder if commentaries have to be based off of another piece of writing, maybe this should just be "thoughts."
Sigh, what an unsatisfactory entry. It's still on my mind (after I've attempted to write about it), I can't remember all of my thoughts during guy 1's complaining, and well, that's more than enough to be dissatisfied about. Alas!
---
Spine
Oddly enough, I do get some pleasure from hearing people complain. I want to say it's because emotions have taken almost complete control over the person such that they're not thinking as logically and clear-minded as before and censoring themselves. They speak their mind and are very honest. I like that. It's one of the few times (e.g. sleeping) when I see something for what it truly is - no pretenses. I like that too.
What brings this to mind is that I recently went shopping with some friends, we'll just number them off as: guy 1, his girlfriend (girl 1). I don't know the exact numbers and I don't want to get bogged down in details so let's just say that guy 1 and girl 1 have been dating for less than a year. Things are going great, guy 1 likes to make girl 1 happy, treats her out, etc. and before he knows it, it's way too much. He's accompanying her shopping (aka holding the bags, paying) and talking about things he's not really interested in.
[Hm, this isn't going the way I want it to. AGAIN. This writing business is harder to get back into than I thought. Oh well, it's late, I'll plow on.]
In summary, guy 1 ends up complaining to me about girl 1 and how he doesn't know what to do. I'm not sure what use-less/ful advice I gave him, but these were my thoughts:
- I wish men would have more of a spine. Or at least the guys I know. I guess it's natural to want to impress others at first. Okay, but more than that.
How about ...
- I wish guys at Tech weren't so desperate sometimes. Maybe it should just be people in general and how - despite what our mothers (!) and advertisements bombard us with - there isn't a looming deadline over our heads to have a boy/girl-friend and get married.
Maybe then they would have more of a spine. As in, starting off not accepting anything ridiculous just because it's something that they're sure "all guys go through." (I did see an awful lot of husbands carrying bags during the post-Christmas sales.) I feel like it's pretty ridiculous to expect your boyfriend to go "shopping" with you as in just to carry your bags, or even worse, pay for you. However, if he's buying you something and he wants you to help him pick it out, then that's a different story.
This is probably just personal preference, but I don't like it when people do things but don't know why they're doing it. If they're uncertain, that's okay. (As long as they're actively searching why.) That's probably expecting too much though. It's just .... :sigh: What am I trying to say now?
I don't like people who do things for the sake of doing them. They just, go along with the flow. I like seeing passion in people. It's what gives you your "you." Idiosyncrasy. I love doing activities that I enjoy with people who enjoy it also. I think it's in the smile.
I think that's why I'm against people just coming along. But then I do it too. So this can't be what I'm really feeling. Or what I truly want to convey.
- I just wish guy 1 would not be afraid of losing girl 1. Sure he's older and his odds are dwindling , but is there ever a time to take a stand? to do what's right? The world is constantly pushing at us from all sides, if not now, then when? (I think I'm talking about something else now.)
I wish I could follow my own advice and not worry ... but that's for another time. (Definitely talking about something else now.)
I hope I'll be able to read my guy. It's a tricky balance - having enough depth so that there is something to read, and yet having enough tell-tale behaviors (pecularities?) to be able to tell and thus probe further as to why.
Hm, I wonder how easy it is to read me. I'm told - and I'm sure it's true - my face gives a lot away. But what about as to why. Do people already assume they know why and stop at that because eek! I don't think they're right.
:sigh: Digression.
----
Man, this commentary business is harder than I thought. Come to think of it, I don't even really know what a commentary is. I mean, this is better than just saying "lecture." Hrm, I wonder if commentaries have to be based off of another piece of writing, maybe this should just be "thoughts."
Sigh, what an unsatisfactory entry. It's still on my mind (after I've attempted to write about it), I can't remember all of my thoughts during guy 1's complaining, and well, that's more than enough to be dissatisfied about. Alas!
2008: Music
2008: Music According to Karen
2008 Summarizer
- "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis
- "Shattered" by O.A.R.
- "I'm Not That Girl" by Idina Menzel (from Wicked OST)
Last 20 Top (#1) Songs
- Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
- Here Is Gone by Goo goo dolls
- hoisanna by hillsong
- relax, say it right (dj bacon remix) by nelly furtado vs mika
- sway by mike buble
- 5:19 by matt wertz
- i'm not that girl from wicked ost
- baby i need your loving by the four tops
- zombie by the cranberries
- crane wife 3 by teh decemberists
- gone so young by amber pacific
- spiralling (radio edit) by keane
- spiraling by ari hest
- faraway by apocalyptica
- angel by leona lewis
- shattered by o.a.r.
- how am i to be by the watson twins
- even if by 2 b 3
- get away by avant
- right kind of wrong by leeann rimes
- one way or another by blondie
- maria from 200 lb beauty ost
- how much i love you (eng translation) by fanfan wei qi
- give myself to you by train
- twist and shout by isley brothers
All Time Classic Song
- "Farewell" by Yo Yo Ma (from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon OST)
- "Slide" by Goo Goo Dolls
- "Here Is Gone" by Goo Goo Dolls
All Time Classic Band
- Apocalyptica
- Trans-Siberian Orchestra
- Goo Goo Dolls
- Savage Garden
- OSTs
Biggest Comeback Song
- "Here is Gone" by the Goo Goo Dolls
Biggest Comeback Band
- Goo Goo Dolls
Newest Song
- Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
Newest Band to Check Out (if i ever change my ways)
- Matt Nathanson (2 chill songs i liked, back to back..wow!)
- Matt Pond PA
Best Dance-to Song
- "Sway" by Michael Buble
- "Baby I Need Your Lovin'" by The Four Tops
Best Sing-along Song
- "Boys of the Summer" by Don Henley
- "Zombie" by the Cranberries
- "Shattered" by O.A.R.
- "Here Is Gone" by Goo Goo Dolls
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Communication for Paralyzed People by Connecting their Brain to a Computer
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4564186n
description: The story is about people who are completely paralyzed due to illness or trauma getting help communicating with a new technology that connects their brains to a computer.
time: ~12 min.
description: The story is about people who are completely paralyzed due to illness or trauma getting help communicating with a new technology that connects their brains to a computer.
time: ~12 min.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Housing Scuffle
Tech Housing (0) vs. Karen (1)
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Last Friday's meeting (Dec. 5) - schedule meeting for Dec. 9
Today's meeting (Dec. 9) - inconclusive, tbd Dec. 11 or 12
Tech Housing (?) vs. Karen (?)
Potentially I might be off the hook... just maybe!
-------
Last Friday's meeting (Dec. 5) - schedule meeting for Dec. 9
Today's meeting (Dec. 9) - inconclusive, tbd Dec. 11 or 12
Tech Housing (?) vs. Karen (?)
Potentially I might be off the hook... just maybe!
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