In order to enlighten (imo) half the world and perhaps discover what it is I'm looking for, I'm going to attempt to write a series of short commentaries on an ideal man (imo).
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Spine
Oddly enough, I do get some pleasure from hearing people complain. I want to say it's because emotions have taken almost complete control over the person such that they're not thinking as logically and clear-minded as before and censoring themselves. They speak their mind and are very honest. I like that. It's one of the few times (e.g. sleeping) when I see something for what it truly is - no pretenses. I like that too.
What brings this to mind is that I recently went shopping with some friends, we'll just number them off as: guy 1, his girlfriend (girl 1). I don't know the exact numbers and I don't want to get bogged down in details so let's just say that guy 1 and girl 1 have been dating for less than a year. Things are going great, guy 1 likes to make girl 1 happy, treats her out, etc. and before he knows it, it's way too much. He's accompanying her shopping (aka holding the bags, paying) and talking about things he's not really interested in.
[Hm, this isn't going the way I want it to. AGAIN. This writing business is harder to get back into than I thought. Oh well, it's late, I'll plow on.]
In summary, guy 1 ends up complaining to me about girl 1 and how he doesn't know what to do. I'm not sure what use-less/ful advice I gave him, but these were my thoughts:
- I wish men would have more of a spine. Or at least the guys I know. I guess it's natural to want to impress others at first. Okay, but more than that.
How about ...
- I wish guys at Tech weren't so desperate sometimes. Maybe it should just be people in general and how - despite what our mothers (!) and advertisements bombard us with - there isn't a looming deadline over our heads to have a boy/girl-friend and get married.
Maybe then they would have more of a spine. As in, starting off not accepting anything ridiculous just because it's something that they're sure "all guys go through." (I did see an awful lot of husbands carrying bags during the post-Christmas sales.) I feel like it's pretty ridiculous to expect your boyfriend to go "shopping" with you as in just to carry your bags, or even worse, pay for you. However, if he's buying you something and he wants you to help him pick it out, then that's a different story.
This is probably just personal preference, but I don't like it when people do things but don't know why they're doing it. If they're uncertain, that's okay. (As long as they're actively searching why.) That's probably expecting too much though. It's just .... :sigh: What am I trying to say now?
I don't like people who do things for the sake of doing them. They just, go along with the flow. I like seeing passion in people. It's what gives you your "you." Idiosyncrasy. I love doing activities that I enjoy with people who enjoy it also. I think it's in the smile.
I think that's why I'm against people just coming along. But then I do it too. So this can't be what I'm really feeling. Or what I truly want to convey.
- I just wish guy 1 would not be afraid of losing girl 1. Sure he's older and his odds are dwindling , but is there ever a time to take a stand? to do what's right? The world is constantly pushing at us from all sides, if not now, then when? (I think I'm talking about something else now.)
I wish I could follow my own advice and not worry ... but that's for another time. (Definitely talking about something else now.)
I hope I'll be able to read my guy. It's a tricky balance - having enough depth so that there is something to read, and yet having enough tell-tale behaviors (pecularities?) to be able to tell and thus probe further as to why.
Hm, I wonder how easy it is to read me. I'm told - and I'm sure it's true - my face gives a lot away. But what about as to why. Do people already assume they know why and stop at that because eek! I don't think they're right.
:sigh: Digression.
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Man, this commentary business is harder than I thought. Come to think of it, I don't even really know what a commentary is. I mean, this is better than just saying "lecture." Hrm, I wonder if commentaries have to be based off of another piece of writing, maybe this should just be "thoughts."
Sigh, what an unsatisfactory entry. It's still on my mind (after I've attempted to write about it), I can't remember all of my thoughts during guy 1's complaining, and well, that's more than enough to be dissatisfied about. Alas!
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I do not think it is any sort of relationship to desperation (well, not always). To use a very common expression, a new relationship is like having a new toy. You want to play with it all the time, and you will do absolutely anything in the universe to get another 5 minutes with it.
ReplyDeleteSo, yes, you do these crazy things like carry bags and stuff because of that feeling. There are many that would be happy to help with their girlfriend/wife's shopping just to spend time with them even further into the relationship. Thats part of what makes it a relationship.
Unfortunately, there is also that snowball effect you mention. You can get yourself in over your head and start putting more time and more effort than you really want to. It is in those cases you need to figure things out with the other person. While it is no sign of doom to say 'I do not really want to go shopping every sunday morning with you thx' (maybe in better words), it should get done. From experience, I can say that being pushed into something you do not want to do over and over is very destructive and can turn things around on you with an incredible amount of speed.
Maybe your friend does need a spine. I don't know them at all, but if he is finding himself in alot of situations where he doesnt want to do what he is doing with her, they need to talk. And, while I am here, why should he not be afraid of losing her? That seems like a bad thing to me, if you arent afraid to lose something, does it even matter to you in the first place? Thats no way to go through a relationship.
I do not entirely follow most of the rest of your article, so let me see if there is anything else I want to say before I go get breakfast (mmm..).
Well, just that you never actually talked much about the ideal man. ;). That's okay though, who thinks in a straight line anyway?
Also, even if you aren't satisfied with your entries, they are very interesting to read and respond to. (If only you had been around to write when I was bored out of my mind in the mountains of NC last week!)
aw someone reads this! i'm so excited. i'll get back to your comments in about, a week or so. heh. i need to finish cleaning my room and hang out with some friends ... and then i'll talk about my ideal guy :P
ReplyDeleteJust to say something about the Tech guys being desperate. Numbers can explain the majority of it. 70% guys 30% girls. Sort of gives an impression that theres a high demand for girls. But I think it just ends up causing a bottleneck. Girls get "attacked" by hordes of guys. Girl thinks all guys at tech are crazy or something. That number also gives the impression that the majority of the girls here at Tech are in a relationship. But if the bottleneck thingy is right, then many are not in a relationship. Thinking off the top of my head some girls may think that the ratio gives them a lot of options. And they start getting very picky. I'm running off course with this, so I'll stop. Also, Jeff's right, your posts are very interesting.
ReplyDeleteOkay so keep in mind that this is just one situation described and whilst I don't keep tabs on this particular relationship, when you only spend a few times with them and you see reoccuring situations (aka trends), well, you start assuming. We all know where assuming goes, but sometimes, well, it's right.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm pretty sure he has never ever enjoyed shopping with her because he brings his little PS2 or whatever portable gaming device people play nowadaysand plays that while he stands. Talk about whipped. :P
Hard as it may be, and this is me speaking from a single standpoint, I don't think you should be afraid to lose someone. Because then you hold on far too tightly which has the opposite desired effect. So I think so too Jeff.
I like the new toy analogy. True.
So originally I wrote the entry because my friend's behavior bothered me and I wanted to do something about it. It was just a general comment on him, and not tech guys. But then I realized that it does seem to be common among guys I know at tech (except some), and thusly, it became generalized to "tech guys need a spine." Meh. Some do some't dont'.
As for your logic, "...yes...", I've heard it before, but there's just something about it that's not quite right. I can't put my finger to it. I'll mull it over some more.
I mean, personally, as for guys not having a spine, I just thought it was because they weren't mature enough yet. I may also be thinking of independence and confidence as well.
I feel like guys at tech (in general) just aren't ready enough to care for somebody else, they're too preoccupied with video games, sports, and such. That being said, I don't think they know themselves well enough. (Not that girls do anymore or anything, it's just, it seems that girls are more willing to be sacrificial in a relatinoship. I always assumed girls were more likely to spend too much time than less in a relationship adn conversely for guys.)
Because guys never really truly grow up, I think they have trouble standing up for themselves, especially in areas they're not especially confident with. And if you've never really dated around and know how much you're truly worth, I'd think it'd be rather easy to get pushed around into doing things that might have started out as apathetic to grudingly willingly to something far worse.
... or some kind of logic like that.
oh, sorry jeff if this wasn't clear, so ideally each post will be a characteristic an ideal guy would have.
ReplyDeleteclearly, this one will be having a spine and being able to stand up for himself. it would be him knowing why he does certain things and being able to back it up. if he doesn't agree with it, he shouldn't, etc. etc.
Okay, I hit post comment and it didnt happen...so if this appears twice, sorry!!
ReplyDeleteIf you figure out what you see as incorrect in my logic, don't forget to mention it. I think part of the flaw exists in the fact that it is not always that feeling of attraction, but a sense of duty that drives people (but thats what puts people in these situations where they hate to do things with their girl/boy-friend imo).
Karen, I think you make some sweeping (negative) generalizations about guys at Tech. Everything you say in the paragraphs about guys being too into sports and video games reminds me of what you told me of your last boyfriend. As you have said (somewhere), you are yet still inexperienced in the world of dating, not all guys are like that. Something to think about, I guess.
I also have to say that Travis makes a good point as well. I think your (talking to Travis) logic on the ratio is slightly off in that beyond the 70-30 theres also a subset of both groups that are 'dateable'. Those women are typically dating most of the time they are in college, especially here. The ones that are some shade of harder to date make up the majority of those single women. Some are simply impossible to date because of some reason or another, some are just very unique people that have a harder time finding their match, and so on. Regardless, that pool of women tends to remain single much longer, which makes it even harder for those men that remain to find someone to be with. (Of course, there are many guys in the same boat...now if only we could get them all together, this would be a happier, though more complicated, place)
I would have thought you, after living with your roommates, would have realized that games do take up a lot of time for guys at tech?
ReplyDeleteAnd of course I know all guys aren't like that. Those are actually the ones I'm friends with! (except...some). But I don't see why you think that "sweeping generalization" is undeserved - I think it is.
ooooh. I think I was not very clear as to what I meant. It is an undeniable fact that video games take up far too much time for many people at Tech (want to field a guess as to what is going on in the room right now?). My thought is simply that most guys would not neglect a girlfriend for video games regardless of if they do play too much otherwise. There are certainly alot of immature guys, but I do not think you give us enough credit!
ReplyDeletethen tell me, what do you think of the guys at tech
ReplyDeleteIn what regard? I think what I said above. I also think that stereotype is typically hyperbole. I can also come up with several common stereotypes about women at Tech, but I do not think they are true on the scale that people say they are.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let everyone know that I love both video games and women.
ReplyDeletetbqh we should think outside the box and pick up cute dudes from GSU, too much talk about tech guys makes my head hurt